025. The Janeway Syndrome
Nobody likes a know-it-all. Not only is it annoying, but even today, it's impossible for someone to be an expert in any more than a couple of fields. This cliche is named in honour of Captain Janeway, a scientific genius so immense that she seemed to know more about every field of 24th century science than the most brilliant of her senior staff. Where did she find time to study all of these things in between her officer training classes? Well, she didn't, because it's COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS!
024. Mathematics, The Universal Language
"Sir, they're communicating in the only true Universal language, Mathematics." Yeah, I suppose that's true, if you're talking to other Humans who don't speak English, or an alien race that just happens to also use base 10 math. What if all of their math is base 8, or 3, or 27? You're stuck. The truth is that math is no more universal than English; you need to understand the basic structure before you can make any progress. If an alien species were operating on a totally different structure than us, especially one which doesn't even look like a pattern to our way of thinking, how are we going to communicate? Well, not with math, I'll tell you that much.
023. Transporter Mishaps
"Trust me, it's perfectly safe. Well, mostly, anyway. Sure, there's a slim chance that an evil double of you will appear a few moments later. Or, you might revert to a child version of yourself, or get merged with another life form. Or you could end up in a mirror universe, or possibly get turned inside out - but that hardly EVER happens. Really, it's no more dangerous than standing in a giant microwave oven. And when's the last time you heard of that hurting anyone?"
022. "I've Reversed The Genetic Mutation, And Your DNA Has Returned To Normal"
Oh, I don't even know where to begin with this one. "I've waved my magic wand, and with only 20 seconds to go in this week's episode. My, it sure is a good thing that these sorts of COMPLETE GENETIC TRANSFORMATIONS are never accompanied by any lingering emotional trauma!" I mean seriously: wouldn't turning into another life form be like getting every form of cancer known to medical science all at once? And even if they do have magic medical technology in the future, would it really be so easy as dusting yourself off and going "Well, that was inconvenient! Back to your stations, everyone!"
021. "Interspecies" Mating
One of the definitions of "species" is the ability of individuals to produce offspring. So if a Vulcan and a Human can produce children, they are by definition, the same species.
020. Alien Possession
There are a lot of twists that could add a little bit of life to this old saw. For example, what if it turned out that someone had actually been possessed by an alien entity since they were a teenager, and it was the entity who possessed all the talent and positive personality traits? That would suck if once the alien departs, it turns out that you're a bit of a boring drudge, who isn't particularly good at anything, and you stop getting invited to parties.
019. Robot Doubles
We don't just recognize other humans by sight, but by a whole range of sensory cues - the subtleties of body language for example, and especially smell. We can smell each other's blood, sweat, dead skin, and even the chemical signals of mood: anxiety, arousal, and so on - whether we're aware of it or not. Take those subtle signals away, especially the ones that we're not normally conscious of, and a robot double wouldn't pass for human at a distance of 20 yards. It'd be as instinctively creepy as one of those weird Japanese robot girls at trade shows, the ones they keep telling us are so "lifelike". And how long does it take a car to get rid of that "new car smell"? About a month? Well, imagine stepping into a turbolift with a freshly-minted robot double of Captain Kirk. You'd just have to say something to him about the new cologne he was using, no matter what rank you were.
018. The Sweet Fireball Of Victory
Hero is pursuing enemy fighter - perhaps a little too closely. Hero fires, and enemy fighter erupts into a blazing fireball! Too late to turn! Will the hero make it through the expanding cloud of superheated gases? Why not? They did the last time. And the time before that... and the time before that...
017. The "Top Gun" Maneuver
That's where the hero in a small fighter craft has a stubborn enemy on his or her tail. Hero slams on the brakes unexpectedly, enemy fighter overshoots and then - oh what's the point. You know how it ends. Because you've seen it a million times.
016. Giant, Earth Shattering Kabooms!
I can live without sound in space. I think most science fiction fans, being an unusually intelligent and educated demographic, can too. Personally, I think the eerie silence of vacuum presents more opportunities for drama and emotional tension than it excludes. It's worth a try, at least.
015. Disposable Crewman
What is it about Scifi TV in particular that regards human life as having about as much significance as a disposable razor? I guess the idea is that the audience won't believe that a threat is "real" unless someone dies. First, that's a horribly cynical view to have of your audience. Second, since the disposable human who died was never seen before, and will never be mentioned again, it's unlikely that their death will make us take this week's threat any more seriously. The First Law of dramatic writing: the audience will not feel any emotion unless the writer feels it first. If the writer doesn't care that someone died, the audience won't either. And if you're in a situation where crew replacements aren't available, the generic deaths-of-the-week start to add up fast, and it's not long before you've got an empty moon base on your hands.
014. Alien Entities Composed Of "Pure Energy"
Guess what: you're composed of "pure energy", since matter and energy are the same thing.
013. Shuttlecraft Explosions/Accidents/Mishaps/Crashes
No power in this universe would get me to take a ride on a Federation shuttlecraft. They're deathtraps. You'd think that after several centuries of a consistent 90% failure rate, they'd at least equip the damn things with seatbelts or airbags. But I guess the logic is that since riding in one of the things is a death sentence anyway, why bother?
012. Ships Covered With Pipes And Mechanical Gak
Yes, it looks very nice, and the little details catch highlights in a way that makes fans weep. But the general idea of a spaceship is to stay inside it. Hence, one would be hesitant to design ships with all the vital components exposed to the extremes of space, not to mention weapons fire.
011. The Giant Warship With The "Achilles Heel"
Engineers tend to be very smart people. They lie awake at night worrying about things like small thermal exhaust ports, and exposed hyperdrive conduits. And when they get up in the morning, they design solutions to those sorts of flaws.
010. Archaic Naval Fleet Deployments
So you're about to engage an enemy armada in space combat. Better line up all your ships in the tightest two dimensional grid formation possible. That'll confuse the hell out of them
009. Aliens Selective Emotions Omitted
"What is this 'Free-dom'/'Love'/'Humor' you speak of? We are ALIENS you see, and know not of such things".
008. Hiding Ships In A Planet's Magnetic Pole
You can "detect a match lit anywhere on a planet's surface". But you can't see a ship hiding in a magnetic "blind spot". You're fired.
007. Aliens With Quirky English Grammar
"We do not use contractions. That is because we are ALIENS, you see, or possibly androids." Seriously, what's so hard about mastering contractions? Is that Humanity's big claim to fame?
006. Faulty Targeting Computers
Small fighter craft piloted by crazy kamikaze mavericks can be shot down by large capital ships TODAY. It'll be even easier to shoot them down tomorrow.
005. Unpredictable Humans
Out-thinking robots and AI's with our "unpredictable human irrationality and intuition"? Look, to any garden variety AI, humans will be as predictable as an episode of Matlock. They'll be able to out-think, out-hunch, outguess, and out-intuit us at every turn. Always. No exceptions.
004. Vaccines, substances, molecules etc. "Too complex to be replicated"
The replicators are based on transporter technology. Transporters have no problem with DNA, the most complex molecule in the known universe. Next.
003. "I didn't know you got this assignment"
In the future, when the human population numbers in the trillions, the chances that lost loves, old rivals, dysfunctional parents and elderly mentors from one's academy days will just happen to be the ones to beam aboard as mission-specific specialists is beyond the computational power of every computer on Earth.
002. Shields/Weapons Offline
Things like weapons systems and shields going "offline". No secondary or tertiary backup systems in the 24th century? Then you deserve to drink the bitter draught of defeat. Losers.
001. Exploding Computer Consoles
This one was so stupid they actually had to come up with the excuse that consoles are fed by "live plasma conduits". Live. Plasma. Conduits. To power computer consoles. That's like directing the entire energy output of Three Mile Island directly to the nightlight in your bathroom. If you end up with a face full of glass shards, you have no one but yourself to blame.