Don Hite at myITforum.com

Three Stooges Film Shorts Quotes

• And what were you doing in Paris? - Oh, looking over the Parasites.
• Are you familiar with the Great Wall of China? - No, but I know a big fence in Chicago.
• Burnt toast and a rotten egg? Whatta ya want that for? - I got a tapeworm and that's good enough for him!
• Did you come from behind that rock, or from under it?
• Fire at will. - Which one is Will?
• Five hundred dollars, Hmmm... that's almost a million!
• Gee, I wonder if I looked like that when I was delivered by the stork.- When you were born, you were delivered by a buzzard.
• Good morning, sir. I'm the census taker. Are you married or happy?
• Hey, this fish looks like Moe. - It is Moe!
• I baked a cake once, but it fell and killed the cat.
• I starve easy. - Yeah, you're nuthin' but skin 'n bones... with 7 layers of fat.
• I used to work in a bakery as a pilot - A pilot? - Yeah. I used to take the bread from one corner and pilot in the other.
• The action of this pistol is so hard, it would take the strength of a mule to pull the trigger! - Here, try it. - I'm no mule! - Naw, your ears are too short!"
• I'm a poet! - Yeah, Henry Wadsworth Fat-Fellow.
• I'm as pretty as a picture! - Yeah, of an ape!
• I'm Honest Moe, that's Honest Shemp and that's......well that's Larry.
• Joe, don't tell me you bought the Brooklyn Bridge? - Of course not... that was sold last week.
• Let's play post office. - That's a kid's game. - Not the way I play it.
• My father died dancing... on the end of a rope.
• Oh boy! I can see it now...I come home from a hard day's work...I whistle for the dog....and my wife comes out!
• One move out of you, and I'll kill you. - If you do, I'll never talk to you again!
• Only fools are positive! - Are you sure? - I'm positive!
• Pick up the dumbbell. - He's pretty heavy. - The OTHER dumbbell!
• Say a few syllables! Utter a few adjectives!
• This bed goes back to Henry the 8th. - That's nuthin'. We had a bed that went back to Sears Roebuck the 3rd.
• Well being as there's no other place around the place, I reckon this must be the place, I reckon.
• We're in a tough spot, men! - Yeah, its gonna take brains to get us outa here! - That's why I said we're in a tough spot!
• What kind of a drink is that? - My own brand, a Western Surprise. - There's no liquor in that! - That's the surprise!
• What kind of fool do you take me for? - Why? Is there more than one kind?
• What's that monkey got, that I ain't got? - A longer tail.
• When it comes to fish, I'm a common-sewer!
• Why don't you get a toupee with some brains it!?
• You know I'm temperamental. - Yeah, 95% temper, 5% mental.
• You remind me of a girlfriend in Detroit... but you look more like her stepfather!
• You snore like a roarin' lion! - I do not! I stayed awake all last night to see if I snored, and I DIDN'T!
• You're my type, baby. A woman!
• If I'm going to work like a horse, I'm gonna eat like one.
• She looks like a million. - Aww, she can't be that old."
• Well we had to forget something or we wouldn't be plumbers.

The characters in this picture are all fictitious. Anyone resembling them is better off dead.

Opening Scene Caption (I'll Never Heil Again - 1941)

Any resemblance between the Three Stooges and regular human beings is a dirty shame.

Opening scene caption (Don't Throw That Knife - 1951)