New Truths For The New Age

 

  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  • A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  • Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
  • Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile way - and barefoot.
  • Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • Going to church doesn't make you a holy person any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
  • I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
  • If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
  • If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
  • It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
  • It's amazing what you won't find if you don't look for it, especially if it's not there.
  • Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  • My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
  • No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
  • Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

 

Published Sunday, September 30, 2007 7:20 AM by dhite
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