Don Hite at myITforum.com

Rules For Married Men

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Simple Duties

• You make the bed +1 If you forget to add the decorative pillows 0
• You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
• You leave the toilet seat up -5
• You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty 0
• When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
• When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom -2

At the Party

• You stay by her side the entire party 0
• You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy -2 if her name is Tiffany. -4 and if Tiffany is a dancer -10

Her Birthday

• You remember her birthday 0
• You buy a card and flowers 0
• You take her out to dinner 0
• You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +1 if it is a sports bar -2 however is it’s all-you-can-eat night -3

A Night Out With Her

• You take her to a movie +2
• You take her to a movie she likes +4
• You take her to a movie you hate +6
• You take her to a movie you like -2
• You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique

• You develop a noticeable pot belly -15
• You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it +10
• You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy shirts -30
• You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -800

The Big Question

• She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding. -10
• You reply, "Where?" -35
• You reply, "No, I think it's your butt" -100
• Any other response -20

Communication

• When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying a concerned expression 0
• You listen, for over 30 minutes +5
• You relate to her problem and share a similar experience +50
• Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?" -50
• You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +100
• She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -200